Dean laughs at the photo whenever he sees it, because it’s one of the few that he has of Cas where he really looks like the angel he used to be.
Castle had taken it one day while he and Kate were out and had bumped into Cas, who was running errands of his own with the kids. Rick had seen the worn out look on the ex-angel’s face and decided to take a picture to send to Dean and make him feel bad about being in Cali while his husband was forced to look after three sugar-hyped children. But Cas had caught the author and his phone and had schooled his expression into one that basically warned Castle to not even think about it.
The author didn’t get the memo of course and now Dean has that photo of Cas to laugh about whenever he needs to.
For his part, Cas actually regretted giving up his angel powers for all of five seconds, cause in his opinion, smiting Castle right there on the spot would’ve been totally worth it.
Happy “I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition” day! Have some fic!
“Happy anniversary.” Cas snuggles deeper into his pillows, his lips quirking up into a smile when he feels a set of lips on his forehead.
“Happy anniversary to you too.” Dean smiles and runs a hand through Castiel’s messy hair, forcing back a laugh when the former angel leaned into it.
“So, are you going to actually get up today or are you just going to lay around?” Cas flips over onto his back, forcing Dean to take his hand out of his hair, and gives Dean a sleepy smile.
“Well, you could lay around with me.” Dean leans in and kisses his husband deeply, smiling into the kiss when the ex-angel groans.
“We aren’t going to be doing much sleeping then Cas.” Cas pulls Dean back in for another kiss, his hands slipping up into the author’s hair.
“That’s the point.”
#jumping on this pain train #’I wish I could age with you instead of staying the same’ #I wish you could have introduced me to your mother over dinner and that your dad would be happy for you (even though he may not approve) #I wish I could have been your plus one to Sam and Jess’ wedding and you wouldn’t be telling a lie when you wore that tux’ #’I wish I had your coffee ready in the morning’ #’I wish I slept next to you and actually slept because I needed the rest. Not because I’ve been hurt or drained.’ #Maybe I’d snore but you’d find that charming’ #I wish I could show you how important you are. And not because of your bravery or stenght.’ #’But because I need you for my happiness. Because I love you.’ #’I wish we were allowed to *be* happy.’ #’I wish our happiness didn’t have to feel like selfishness.’ #’I wish the oven would break and you’d have to fix it. For a week it would be take-out and delievery pizza’ #’I wish I owned a t-shirt with your favorite band logo on the front.’ #’I wish we stressed about bills and how we should help Sam’s kids through college.’ #’Because Yale costs much more than a Winchester could afford.’ #’I wish those bills came in the mail with the name ‘Castiel Winchester’ printed on them.’ #’Sorry #Maybe that was too forward.’ #’I wish I was your friend. And you were mine. Even though we have been much more for so long.’ #I wish I had a peanut allery.’ #’And couldn’t eat the nuts at the bars we visit.’ #I wish we had nights when we talked for hours about our days and our co-workers. #Becasue we *want* to hear about each other’s days.’ #’I wish we had inside jokes no one else understood.’ #’I wish we had a routine.’ #’I wish I was a person and not an angel with broken wings.’ #’I wish I had a childhood.’ #’I wish you did too.’ #’I wish I got to see your hair turn grey. And I wore reading glasses.’ #’I wish we could be old men together.’ (Via apathyacres)
No please… Kill me. Shred the skin off of my body because that would hurt way less than this.
IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE!
‘I wish I wasn’t going to make the choices that I’m going to make.’ ‘I wish that I wouldn’t have to completely change your life just so you know how to be happy.’ I wish that I wouldn’t have to crash into your apartment one night and spend the rest of my days as an angel making you worry.’ ‘I wish that I wouldn’t have nightmares right after I fall, and thus worry you even more.’ ‘I wish that I could cook, so you don’t have to send Kate over once a week when you’re gone, so that I don’t starve.’ ‘I wish that Josh, Danielle, and Molly could know the truth about me and about us.’ ‘I wish that I wasn’t going to die before you and leave you alone again.’
Cas knows that he should be sleeping. He has to be up at asscrack o’clock in the morning cause he has work and he needs to see the kids off to school, since Dean is out of the country for work. But he can’t make himself go down and just fucking sleep.
He thinks that he’s finally drifting off, when he hears a soft knock at the door and the voice of a scared little girl. He sits up and tells her to come in, not at all surprised he when he gets knocked back into the pillows by the mini-hurricane that is his youngest daughter, Molly.
She’s clearly had another nightmare, but she won’t talk about it, only clinging to her papa and asking if she can stay there. Cas runs a hand through her messy dark curls and says yes, maneuvering the pair of them so that they’re laying down, Molly curled into his side, afraid to let go of him in case the bad dreams come back.
He still doesn’t get much sleep, afraid to drift off in case Molly has another nightmare, but the hug and kiss he gets from her in the morning before she gets out of the car and joins her class is more than worth it. He may no longer be a badass, smite-happy angel, but as long as he can pretend to be so for his kids, it will always be worth it.
He said it.
He finally freaking said it.
He, Dean Michael Beckett, finally manned up and told Castiel how he felt.
And he feels like he’s going to die.
Because Cas is giving his this look like he can’t actually believe that Dean likes him in that way and he has yet to actually say something and Dean knows that if Cas doesn’t open his mouth in the next five seconds, Dean might just actually die, cause the fucking anticipation is killing him.
But then the angel does say something, even if it’s only a simple “why”.
Dean laughs, he doesn’t mean to, but he’s just been so tied up in knots ever since he decided that he was going to spew his feelings at someone that was planning to go off and die the very next day, that laughter seems like the only real option at this point.
So he laughs and pulls Cas closer to him to show him exactly why he’s head over fucking heels in love with him.
Scratch that, John does get to meet Dean.
And the meeting doesn’t exactly go as he imagined it.
It’s in this little cafe off of Broadway, he sees Dean rushing in there, grinning when he realizes that there’s not a line. So John takes his chance when the boy, no wait, man, cause as hard as it is for him to admit that, Dean is a man now, has been for a while.
But Dean just stares at him, stares at him like he’s not worth the dirt beneath his feet.
And that stings.
“You know, Cas was right.” That gets John’s attention and he thinks that nothing, absolutely nothing will stop him from going and clobbering that angel if he poisoned Dean against him before he ever really got the chance to meet him. “I’m nothing like what you expect. You’re still seeing a little boy who when you say ‘jump’, he asks how high. And I’m not him.” John swallows, he never really thought about it like that, he frankly didn’t want to. But hearing Dean say it, well, kind of forces him to.
“Dean, you have to know, I only wanted what was best for you and your brother.” Dean snorts.
“Yeah, and you ended up with the apocalypse. I think that kind of fucks those good intentions right to hell.” John doesn’t get a chance to say anything, cause right then, someone yells for Dean. They both turn around and see a woman with long blondish-brown hair, waving her arm and motioning for Dean to come over to her. He nods before turning back to John. “Now I have to go because my sister is summoning me. And do me a favor. Never try contacting me again. I may be your son by blood, but in everything else, I am a Beckett.”
Dean turns on his heel then and jogs over to the woman, picking her up in a bear hug which leads to her hitting him once or twice before he drops her and greets two of the guys that are with her in the same manner, which leads to more smacks that he just brushes off like they’re routine.
And John just stands there and watches and feels angry, but no, not at Dean.
But at himself.
Dean may never realize it, but he is a flame in human form.
It’s been years since Castiel fell and became human, but he never stops thinking about how if Dean knew his real potential, he could probably set the world on fire.
But instead, Dean takes all that potential and filters it into his writing, his family, and his unending love for an angel that toppled from the very ranks of Heaven to be with him.
And for that, Cas is grateful.
He is grateful that he will never have to watch Dean become that hollow and empty version of himself that believed that he didn’t deserved to be saved.
He is grateful that Dean knows how to smile, knows how to love, and knows how to be loved.
He is grateful that instead of being put out by the universe and all the injustice that is heaped upon him, Dean has become a fire that will only continue to grow.
And that makes Cas smiles.
Because he fell in love with a flame.
And he knows that this time, he won’t get burned.
It’s still early, too early to be up really, but Dean was anyways. He blinked a few more times before looking at the dark-haired lump next to him. The sun was still rising up over the city and had just started to peak in through the window of their room, giving it a hazy look. Smiling at the lump, he brushed a hand through its hair, smile turning into a grin when blue eyes opened just long enough to look at him.
“It’s too early to be up. Go back to bed.” Dean chucked, hand resting on the nape of Castiel’s neck.
“You know, Kate’s probably awake right now.” Cas snorted.
“Your sister catches murders for a living, she doesn’t count.” Dean rolled his eyes, but snuggled back down into his pillows, hand still on Cas.
“You know I love you, right?” Cas nodded.
“I do,” He leaned over into Dean’s personal space to give him a quick kiss. “But I’m going back to sleep like a normal human being.” Dean laughed and kissed him again.
“Yeah, yeah, go back to sleep. Cause god forbid you actually wake up before noon.” Cas didn’t say anything, just snuggled closer to Dean’s side and fell back asleep. Dean didn’t though, he stayed awake, hand in Cas’s hair and watched the sun come up over the city and thought about how ridiculously lucky he was that this was his life.
Winter in Manhattan could easily be the name of a romance novel, Dean thinks, as he trudges through the blowing snow. But in all reality, it would be some mash of horror and romance, cause this, this wet and sticky mess that’s getting all over him, is the stuff that nightmares are made of.
Unless your name is Castiel of course.
Someone should’ve warned Dean that getting into a romantic relationship with a former angel would involve stopping every five minutes while trying to get home during the worst snowstorm that the city has seen in years, all because said angel is oddly fascinated by the snow.
“Cas! Can we go? I’m losing feeling in most of my limbs!” Cas looks away from the falling snow and nods, jogging as best he can to catch up with Dean, throwing his arms around his waist and burrowing into his side when he does.
“I’m sorry, this is just the first real winter I’ve ever got to experience.” Dean nods and presses a kiss to the ex-angel’s forehead.
“I know, and we’ve got plenty more to go.”
“You’re an angel.” The words roll of Kate’s tongue before she can stop them, but by the way Castiel freezes, they’re not entirely incorrect. He turns around, eyes wide in shock, and he tries a last ditch attempt to deny them.
“What?! That’s crazy.” Kate shakes her head and Cas sighs. He knows when to admit defeat.
“You’re an angel. A freaking angel. Does Dean know?” Cas nods, affirming that yes, Dean does know that he’s bound to an angel. Well, former angel that is. “Wow. Guess little bro really did get good at hiding secrets.” Cas nods again, before placing his coffee cup down behind him.
“Kate, I was an angel.” She tilts her head, trying to figure out what he means, before he sighs and leans even further back into the breakfast bar. “I fell. I gave up my wings. For Dean.” Understanding washes over her and somehow, that doesn’t make him feel any better.
“But why?” He gives her that stupid self-depreciating chuckle that she hates so much, cause it’s the same one that Dean has and it just makes her want to punch the pair of them.
“Because I love him. Because every morning, I get to wake up with him curled around me like I’m the most precious thing on the planet and let me be completely honest with you, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, in Heaven that can compare to that. So I fell.” Kate shoves her hands in her pockets and looks away, because she gets it, she really does. It’s how she feels about Castle, how she would give up anything to be with him, and at one point did. So yeah, she gets where Cas is coming from. She gets it almost too perfectly.
“You don’t regret it, do you?” He shakes his head, but he’s smiling now and she has to admit, it looks good on him.
“I never will.” She nods and they continue to stand there, listening to the sounds of their respective significant others geeking out over something in the other room, while those first words, “you’re an angel”, hang in the air like the dirty accusation that they were.